The man behind the Spam

Backstage interviewer Shaun Reks stands between the huge black mass of Spamzilla and the lean trainer John D, with the trainer in his usual t-shirt and white pants. Holding the microphone, he turns to John D with a smile.

Shaun Reks: John D, your client Spamzilla has been on quite a roll since coming to Royal Wrestling last season. As Spam's trainer, what secrets can you share about how you prepare him to be ready for the ring each week despite his remarkable size?



John D: Well Spam was a pretty good fighter before I ever got a hold of him. He already knew sumo wrestling, drunken boxing, and monkey kung-fu. I taught him how to take care of his body, as you can see from the phenomenal shape he's in today.


The camera pans up and down Spamzilla's blubberous 6'6" 700 pound frame.

Shaun Reks: Right.



John D: Oh and let's not forget my most important contribution; devising the Spam Crusher, the best finishing move in all of wrestling for a 700 pound man!



Shaun Reks: I think it might be the only finisher for a 700 pound man.

Shaun turns towards Spamzilla over his other shoulder.

Shaun Reks: Spamzilla, tonight you face shreshtho. What will your strategy be for facing this opponent?



Spamzilla: John D, hit it!

With a smile John D begins to beatbox for his protégé Spamzilla

Spamzilla: Spamzilla on the prowl, gets his fans to howl!

A beating from Spamzilla makes you cry, cry, cry, cry!

Shreshtho can only scowl, and though he'll call foul,

I'll squash him flat and hang him out to dry!



He knows that I'll be ready, but he'll be unsteady

Because no one can handle all my size, size, size, size!

Shrestho will try to punch me, or kick me in the knee

But turning tail and running would be wise!



Spamzilla: Beware!

Spamzilla and John D walk off the set to make final preparations for his match later on in the show, leaving Shaun Reks to awkwardly sign off and hand the show back to the ringside announce team.